I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
