Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
