It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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