my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
