He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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