Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
