Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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