If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
