its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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