Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My penis needs a shock collar
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
