His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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