Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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