tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
