so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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