The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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