i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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