I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Randomize
