Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
