I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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