she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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