Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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