I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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