so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
