Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
