You're my little dorito
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
