i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
