That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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