I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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