He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
