I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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