Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
