I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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