i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
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The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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