You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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