don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
