I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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