They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
