I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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