I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
