Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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