You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
