Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
