A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
40s are totally the cure
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
