If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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