So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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