I didn't shave. On purpose
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
