she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
