in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night