Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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