My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
