i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.