I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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