I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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