i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
