I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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