i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
