shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
