The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
