new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
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Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
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like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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