He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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