Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
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is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
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I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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