I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
