Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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