I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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