how can u be prego again
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize