nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
