Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
