Pants 0. Shit 1.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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