Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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