Are we in a gay sports bar?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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