yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
