Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
