I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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